Feel Good First: 5 Things To Do Before Reading with Your Child

Let’s face it, reading at home can be a struggle. You have the perfect book picked out: one that your child is excited about and you know they can read; they’re eager and willing to sit and read with you at the beginning — and yet the minute it comes to their turn to read, you watch as the whole experience devolves into bargaining, power struggles, and refusal.

But you know they can read aloud, so what happened?

In short: reading in front of you can feel like a performance. One that’s steeped in pressure and anxiety. And being put on the spot in that way doesn’t feel good for anybody.

Plus, if your child is just starting to read on their own, their brain has to put a lot of effort into getting the words off the page, which is a drastically different experience than relaxing and enjoying the story.

If “their turn” always feels like effort and performance, it’s not going to feel good.

Luckily, there are things you can do BEFORE you read together to help the whole experience feel like a celebration of them reading.

If you help your child feel good first, tell them what to expect, and put them in control of setting up an exciting, cozy, and comfortable experience, they’ll be way more willing to try.

So next time you want your child to read to you, try taking one or all of these steps first:

Get cozy!

“Ooh, let’s set up a super special place for reading. Can you help me make a cozy spot?” Let your child make a blanket fort or pillow pile, and bring their favorite stuffy or toy to read to. “I bet Flamingo is going to love listening to this story. Maybe he’ll even take a turn!” Pretend play with your child’s favorite comfort toy can be a pressure-free way to see that taking a turn reading can be safe and fun.

Move your bodies!

Have a dance party, stretch, shake it out, have a ball toss, march in place, do jumping jacks – the possibilities are endless. Just move your bodies for a minute or two before reading. This gets you both out of your heads (out of the stress of the day and the anticipated stress of reading) and into presence and fun. Treat it like a sport and you’re the coach. “Let’s warm up! I need to stretch before reading my pages!” You’re in the experience with your child and modeling preparation in a silly way.

Bond first!

If you moved your bodies together, you’ve already done this step. But if you’re trying to wind down and don’t want to ramp up the energy before reading, be sure to physically bond with your child in another way before starting to read. You can do this by brushing their hair, engaging in a few minutes of whatever they’re playing, cleaning up toys together, or even a quick thumb war. Just don’t come right from the stress of chores that you were doing and jarringly stop whatever activity they’re doing. Transitions are tough for kids, so doing this step will help you ease into reading together.

Give choices!

If you don’t do anything else, do this. Controlled choices (where you offer two specific options) work like magic and help your child feel safe because they feel like they’re directing their own experience. The more in control of their experience your child feels, the more they’re going to be willing to take risks and read to you. “Do you want to read this book or that book?” “Do you want to read on the couch or the bed?” “Do you want me to read first or do you want to read first?” “Which page do you want to read to me?” You can let them turn through the first few pages and pick one. It’s probably going to be the shortest one, but that’s okay. Start with what they’re willing to do and go from there. It shows that you hear them and respect what they’re ready for. And that trust and respect is key to increasing their willingness to try in front of you.

Tell them what’s going to happen!

This goes hand in hand with controlled choices. A child that knows what to expect is a child that feels safer in their experience. And a child that feels safer in their experience is a child that’s more willing to try. “I’m going to read two pages, then it’s your turn.” “I’ll read two pages, then you read one.” “If you get to a long word and you need help, just say ‘I need help’ and I’ll help you.” “When you’re tired, you can say ‘I don’t want to read anymore’ and then I’ll read the rest of the book to you”. And then uphold your end of the bargain. If you said you’ll give them a word or take over when they ask, do it. You’re easing them into trusting that reading with you is a respectful, comfortable, supportive experience. You can do this to help the transition into reading too: “I’m going to brush your hair for 3 minutes, then we’ll read”, “You can put on 5 more Lego pieces, then we’ll read”, “Let’s do 10 jumping jacks, then we’ll read”. Notice the phrasing “Then we’ll read”. Not “then it’s time to read”. “Then we’ll read” says to your child then we’ll do something together. Your presence and attention is what they want. Through reading, they get it. It’s a minor shift in wording that makes a big difference. So tell them what to expect and quantify it if you can. Clear boundaries feel good for kids.

And if you’ve done all of these and want to try a bonus step that makes a huge difference:

Say how excited you are to read together!

Lead with excitement and curiosity about the story. Again, you’re modeling. “I can’t wait to find out what that silly duck does in this story!” “Ooh, what do you think the truck is going to find?” “I’m so excited we’re reading this one. I’m so curious about astronauts! How do you think they poop?!” Let eager anticipation and wonder replace pressure and effort. And tell your child how much you love reading with them! “I love reading together. I’m so glad I get to spend this time with you!” Remember, reading at home is about you and your child getting to experience something together. Move your focus off of achievement or worry about if they’re getting it “right” and onto how you’re supporting them with a fun, comfortable experience. I promise you, they will feel the shift. Then, just enjoy the process together!

These steps are simple, but powerful. And if you like these, check out 5 equally as powerful things you can do after you read.

I can’t wait to hear how these tools transform your experience. Practice feeling good first, then share how it goes in the comments below!

Cheering you on!

xo,