4 Ways to Reduce Your Child’s Performance Anxiety When Reading

Performance anxiety, ugh! 😣 We’ve all experienced it and know firsthand how it kills fun, ease, and joy. And oftentimes makes our minds feel completely blank!

It has an uncanny knack for sucking the enjoyment out of just about anything – especially reading with a parent – because the brain goes into fight or flight: all of a sudden, it feels like we can’t access the information we know in front of the people who matter most.

Imagine how embarrassing it feels for your child when they can’t come up with sounds or words they know because they feel nervous or put on the spot.

It’s no wonder they’re shutting down and unwilling to try.

So challenging! Especially when you know that your child does have the skills to read at this level.

Reading is meant to be a portal to new worlds, full of curiosity and wonder, not a performance or pressurized chore full of self-doubt or shame.

So how do we release the pressure and restore our child’s willingness to try?

Most importantly: don’t force it!

You know that if they refuse to try, progress unfortunately stops. But it’s the loaded-ness – the importance of your child reading aloud to you right now – that increases performance anxiety.

TRUST that your child will read to you when they’re ready.

It’s okay if it doesn’t happen tonight. Take some deep breaths and try again tomorrow, with this in mind:

The best way to reduce performance anxiety in your child is to help reading feel less like a chore and more like fun!

That’s why the number one thing I always recommend is practicing through games! This works wonders for taking the pressure out of practicing letters and words, but what about when you’re reading an actual book?!

There are simple things you can do to help the reading experience feel a lot more playful which will help your child try, time and time again:

1. Set The Climate

As the adult, YOU set the tone for how things feel in your home. So let the reading experience feel good, for both of you. If you’re not having fun, your child isn’t either! Tell them, “Ooh, I can’t wait to put another sticker on your reading chart! This is going to be fun!” “Should we read in your tent?” “Should we read to Bunny?” “How about I read first and you just listen?” “Oops, I made a mistake – oh well!” “We’re just practicing!” The message you want to give is: This is fun! Let’s relax and enjoy it. We’re in this together. 💗

2. Give Choices

The more control your child has (or feels like they have), the better. So drop the power struggle! Let them choose where to read, what book to read, who reads first, how many pages you read before they take a turn, if you read to them in a normal voice or silly voice, etc. This is your permission slip to drop the power struggle completely. And keep it dropped.

Sound impossible? The key to dropping the power struggle is knowing that you as the adult are 1) still in control (and won’t allow anything unsafe) and 2) able to make the experience work no matter what they choose. The more you trust the process and allow your child to lead, the more they will be willing to open up to doing something vulnerable (reading) in front of you. You can give controlled choices (2 items to choose from) or let them fully dictate the experience if that’s what they need in this moment. I promise there are ways to work in them reading no matter what they choose, which leads me to…

3. Scaffold the Reading Experience

They won’t read to you? No problem! You can still find ways to engage them in the process, on their terms.

👉 They’d rather listen to you read Harry Potter than read boring Bob books? No problem! You read Harry Potter, but have them help you with the small connecting words (the, it, on) they know. Then praise them for helping you “read” a huge chapter book! Cool!

👉 They don’t want to read that book because it’s “for babies”? Lean in! Put on your best baby voice and make mistakes as you read aloud. If they jump in, it’s “Phew, good thing you took over, babies don’t know how to read!” Lean into the silliness and see if their defensiveness melts away. Sometimes when we go to the extreme of a child’s complaint, it instantly lightens the mood.

👉 They refuse to read completely? Give them a job! You’ll read any book they choose, but they have to point to the words as you go. This has them following along and helps develop tracking skills. Win win!
If you can engage them with finger tracking, reading isolated sight words, or correcting your mistakes, you’re already on the road to them reading to you. And when they do…

4. Make A “HELP!” Button

This can be an index card with the word Help! on it (let your child color it for extra fun!), a stuffy they squeeze or wiggle, or a secret finger movement, signal, or code word you come up with together — any indirect way for them to indicate they need help. This takes the shame out of asking for help and lets them know they have an out. If they “press” the button, wiggle the bunny, curl their pointer finger, or say “watermelon!”, you’re going to tell them the word, no questions asked. And tell them how it’s going to work before you read “If you get stuck, just do X, and I’ll help you”. The message is: We’re on the same team. I’m in this WITH you. And that is what shifts the experience the most.

Have fun being a reading team with your child!

And remember, if it doesn’t happen tonight, that’s okay. Engage them in some small part of the process (even if it’s just holding the book!) and try again tomorrow.

Trust the process! (Or as I like to say, TTP!)

You’ve got this, and I’ve got you!

Happy reading!

xoxo